Imagine this: You wake up and go to start your day, and almost immediately, without knowing why, everything starts to agitate you.
Small things feel huge, normal interactions irritate, and tiny inconveniences hit you like a punch in the face. You get easily frustrated, and as the day goes on, aggravation gradually starts to build.
Over time, you can feel it compounding.
Your patience starts to wear thin, and that causes you to have knee-jerk reactions to things that wouldn’t normally bother you. You notice yourself getting more easily frustrated, being more on edge, and becoming more reactive to things you normally brush off.
A part of you knows that you’re blowing things out of proportion. But another part of you starts to lean into it. Like it almost feels good to react, to snap, and to let some of that energy out. Even though, if you’re being honest, you’d rather not be in this state at all.
Once you’re in it, though, it’s hard to find your way out of.
When this takes place, most people don’t know what’s really happening beneath the surface. The truth is, the reactions you have don’t actually have anything to do with what’s taking place in the environment around you. Your constant agitation and unwanted reactions are all happening because of what’s taking place within the subconscious part of you. That’s what’s really running the show.
And it’s also the reason why, when you’re stuck in this state, it can feel absolutely impossible to move past.
The reason it lasts all day (and keeps building)
The reason this state is so hard to get out of is because, whenever we feel an emotion, that emotion automatically becomes the lens through which we experience the world. Almost like we’re putting on a pair of glasses, where everything we see throughout the day is viewed through that internal “lens”, causing everything we’re viewing to become distorted.
The emotion is essentially hijacking our ability to experience our life from a neutral perspective.
Think of it like this: If you felt a constant heavy pressure on your chest, or something in your clothes poking at your body over and over again throughout the day, you’d get irritated, right? Because there’s a sensation of discomfort that you’re constantly feeling in the background, and that uncomfortable feeling is taking your attention.
Negative sensations, or “feelings” in your body, do the exact same thing – but they’re mostly subconscious.
When you feel agitated, you might not notice that there’s a literal sensation you’re feeling inside your body, but whether you know it or not, that uncomfortable sensation is pulling at your attention. Whether that be a haze behind your eyes, a heaviness within your chest, or an uneasy feeling in your gut, this is what negative emotions feel like. They’re literal sensations we feel in and around our bodies, and those sensations are usually what prompt us to become agitated (understandably!).
The build-up of these sensations is what clouds our vision as we look out onto the world and go about our day. We say that we “feel” agitated, but don’t typically realize that it’s a literal sensation we’re describing.
Another big thing we don’t realize is that, once we’re in a bad mood, no matter how much we explode or get frustrated with the outside world, none of those actions will make those negative feelings go away.
The only thing that’ll help is if we direct our attention to the root cause of what’s creating those negative feelings and work with them, instead of focusing all of our attention on what’s taking place in the outside world.
Focusing our attention on the effect (the outside world), rather than the cause (our internal feelings), is a lot like being annoyed at the noise coming out of your stereo without realizing that you’re the one playing it.
And this sequence is only how it starts. After the negative state is felt, that’s what leads the way for other things to start to compound…
When it all starts to build on itself
Once you’re in a negative state, those feelings will prompt another level of subconscious processes to take place inside of you, which amplifies things even more.
This phase is all about your thoughts.
Here’s how it all tends to play out:
Your thoughts match the state you’re in
When you’re in a negative state, the thoughts you have start lining up with how you already feel.
They’ll automatically carry that same “tone” because they’re being produced from inside of that state, instead of from a neutral place.
You’re not choosing these thoughts. They’re showing up in response to what you’re already feeling. Like an extension of the state you’re in that shows up automatically.
So if you’re feeling agitated, the thoughts that come to you will naturally revolve around things that feel irritating, off, or not the way they “should” be.
You start “stacking”
At this stage, because your frustration has been building, the initial feeling that was directing you will have intensified. And now you start actively getting involved in the compounding by “stacking” your thoughts.
Since you’re now seeing multiple things that seem to prove why you should be upset, a part of you starts leaning into it.
Instead of letting the negative thoughts pass, you start engaging with them.
You start focusing your attention on anything that supports the way you’re feeling, looking for more moments that justify it. You connect one thing to the next in your mind, and those connections start compounding too.
You’re essentially stacking together everything that reinforces why you feel this way, and why you’re right and justified in feeling this way.
“This was annoying.”
“That was too.”
“And that wasn’t right either.”
And as that builds, it actually starts to feel good, in a kind of validating way. Like you’re proving to yourself that what you’re feeling is the right way to feel.
The more you stack, the more justified you feel, so you keep going, which only strengthens your initial state, making it harder to climb your way out of it.
You start pulling from the past
At this stage, your attention starts to expand outside of the present moment, and you start to look back on your memories to reinforce the connections you’re making.
You start thinking about other times this kind of thing has happened, other situations that felt the same way, and other moments that left a similar impression on you.
And you piece them all together to make an interconnected mix of experiences that all support what you’re feeling. Pulling from the same conclusions you came to the last time you were in this state, all based on the same types of issues you had to deal with back then.
Now everything you’ve pieced together starts to amplify your “case” and starts to feel more solid. More grounded. Because it’s not just this time. It’s “all the times”, and how this “always” seems to happen.
More “proof”. More justification.
And that makes the entire experience feel even more convincing and harder to question.
You start projecting what’s going to happen next
At this point, your attention starts to move forward in your mind.
During every encounter, you start thinking about what you think will happen next. Everything that’ll “probably” go wrong. What someone might say or do that’ll likely irritate you later.
You play out scenarios in your mind, and even though none of it’s happened yet, your body starts reacting to it as if it has.
And this amplifies your negative state.
Which brings on more tension, more frustration, and more agitation about things that haven’t even happened.
It’s just another layer that gets added on top of everything else that’s already there, which makes the whole thing feel even heavier and harder to get out of.
The truth about what’s happening
If you trace all of this back, you’ll see that none of it started based on what’s happening in your day. It started because of that initial state you woke up in.
That underlying sensation in your body that you didn’t really pay attention to at the time. The heaviness, the irritation, the subtle discomfort that was already there in the background.
Because you felt it and just blindly followed it, from there, it started shaping everything.
That feeling influenced the kinds of thoughts that showed up, those thoughts started building on each other and creating a narrative, and that narrative started dictating how you saw your entire day, along with how you reacted to people, and how everything ended up playing out.
So by the time you were deep in it, it felt like your day was the problem, but that wasn’t really the case. You just didn’t know how to interpret the subconscious part of you; the feelings that were showing up automatically.
And when these go unnoticed, they slowly start to take over everything in your reality.
The moment you start to see it
The next time you wake up in one of these states, you’ll have a choice. You’ll be aware of the sequence that tends to play out, which will allow you to start to recognize it as it’s happening.
Once you see it, you can’t unsee it. And at that point, acting on it and falling victim to it, becomes a choice.
You’ll wake up, notice you’re in a “mood”, and remember:
“There’s a feeling somewhere in my body that’s prompting this state. I can either let it run my day, or I can sit with it and understand why it’s there, and what to do about it.”
There’s so much information in that moment, all coming up from your subconscious mind.
When you start to consciously see it all as it’s happening, that’s when you get to take your control back. And then suddenly, instead of being on autopilot, your awareness lets you pull yourself out of it.
If you want help going into that subconscious side of yourself and releasing what’s keeping this unwanted pattern in place, feel free to apply for coaching through my website, and together, we can work through what’s subconsciously keeping you stuck.
Until next time,
Nikki
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Next steps and resources
- If you’re new here:
Start with How Your Subconscious Mind Shapes Your Everyday Life. - What to read next:
To understand what’s happening internally when fear shows up around major life changes…
About the Author
Nikki Nicholas is a subconscious mind coach who specializes in removing the subconscious patterns, self-sabotage, and nervous system responses that keep people stuck. Her work integrates NLP, hypnotherapy, EFT, and strategic intervention coaching to help clients get past their negative thoughts and emotions that have been running on autopilot. With 17+ years spent studying the subconscious mind and over 10,000 hours in meditation, Nikki helps capable, self-aware people move past the internal patterns that are holding them back.
Frequently Asked Questions:
u003cstrongu003eWhy do I act differently around different people?u003c/strongu003e
Because you’re subtly monitoring and adjusting yourself as the interaction takes place. You hold certain things back, change how you say things, or second-guess what you were about to say. Most of it happens so quickly that it just feels like “how you are” in the moment, but the truth is, it comes from subconscious patterns you learned earlier in life based on what you learned was safe, acceptable, or “better” in social situations.
u003cstrongu003eIs it normal to not feel like yourself around people?u003c/strongu003e
It’s common. A lot of people have learned, over time, to read the situation and adjust themselves to fit it. After a while, it becomes automatic and doesn’t feel like something you’re actively doing.
u003cstrongu003eHow do I start being more like myself around others?u003c/strongu003e
During an interaction, pay attention to the moment when you shift from talking to thinking about how you’re coming across. If you catch yourself holding something back, changing your tone, or filtering what you want to say, that’s where your automatic “pattern” is showing up. If you catch it in the moment, you can start to choose whether to follow it or not.